World of Civil Warcraft

I've had several requests for additional cards, and since I'm trying to develop a loyal following- and since it's easier to make new cards than new content- I'm happy to offer the following:

Sherman's Pest Control Solutions

The ORIGINAL Peabody and Sherman

Before these two:

 

There were these two:

Peabody and Sherman at Shiloh...the ORIGINALS.

Twilight of the Confederacy

Coming this fall...
RICHMOND- 1864
After three long years of warfare, the Confederacy is in critical danger. The Yankees have cut deep into Southern territory, sweeping valiant Southern soldiers aside and laying everything waste. The gallant General Lee is entrenched around Petersburg, Virginia, desperately hoping to hold out...for what, no one knows. Day by day, Union General Grant tightens his grip on the Confederates holed up in their trenches, awaiting the end.

It is at this point, with nothing left untried and nothing to lose, that General Robert E. Lee offers his boldest suggestion yet. There is still one, last manpower source in the Confederacy, one last source of crucially needed men to stem the Yankee invasion. Enlisting them, however, could mean the unraveling of the Confederacy itself. For General Lee is suggesting nothing less, than enlisting...

VAMPIRES!

Will the Sons of the South ally themselves with the Undead? Will Dixie go down  to the grave- or rise from it? Will Sherman metaphorically put a stake through the heart of the Confederacy- or in reality?

Read a thrilling excerpt from the book:

General Lee was sitting in his soldier-house. It was like a tent, but not really cuz it was cloth not nylon. Oh, cuz they didn't have nylon then, right? It was, like, old times. Anyway so he's in this "tent" and he calls in his soldier that works as his, like, secretary. "Yo, secretary-dude, can you come in for a sec?"

The soldier came in. "What's up?" He asked. 

"I'm thinking that we should, like, enlist vampires or something, you know, like, whatever?"

"Dude" the soldier said, "no effin' way! That would be lame. No way, bro."

Lee felt the tension in the tent. This might be difficult, he thought.

That's just a preview of the riveting action inside. For the rest of this action-packed thrill ride, look for "Twilight of the Confederacy", coming this fall. Buy it, wherever books are sold!

Civil War- The Gathering?

What if, instead of great real-time strategy games which faithfully replicate details down to pollen counts, we had a Magic: the Gathering-style card game? Let's find out!

As promised, the Army of the Potomac

Took awhile for NSA to get me the transcripts for the Army of the Potomac texts at Gettysburg, but at long last here they are:

BEEFord: @Reynoldswrap Rebs sightd Gttysbg got good ground want fight?
BEEFord: send reinforcments we hold k?
Reynoldswrap: ok u hold we be there morning.
Reynoldswrap: @WIN, @AOP_CINC, @Oo_HOWARD!, @siklz, @uncle_john, @imnotslow! party @Gttysbg w00t
Reynoldswrap: BEEFord found rebs, i go now, u join me, we smash 'em gud
WIN: w00h00 count me in!
siklz: c u there
Oo_HOWARD!: not if C U 1st
WIN: @Oo_HOWARD! dude that is liek lamest name yet
siklz: srsly. like anyones evr sed ooh howard!
Oo_HOWARD!: and WIN is awsum? or siklz? dat not evn clever
uncle_john: so? URs is just UR initials speld funny
Oo_HOWARD!: sez uncle john. wtf?
uncle_john: my men call me dat. dey love me.
uncle_john: they say dat when fightin
uncle_john: wat UR men say when fightin? oh, sry...
siklz: dooooood! LOL
WIN: oh man that was brutal
Reynoldswrap: srsly howard, u hav army or track team?
siklz: LOL
WIN: ROTFL
uncle_john: ROTFL
Oo_HOWARD!: GTH all of u
imnotslow!: haha ya cuz howard men run
siklz: SMH
Reynoldswrap: shake head
WIN: that wuz the joke henry
uncle_john: livin up to UR name dude
AOP_CINC: @Reynoldswrap u go ck out gttysbg
Reynoldswrap: rolleyes already doin dat
AOP_CINC: rest of U keep doing wat u r doin

The next day...

BEEFord: @Reynoldswrap hurry dude rebs attkin big tiem cant hold
Reynoldswrap: almost dere
BEEFord: almost dont cut it man. WTH I gave u plenty of time :(
Reynoldswrap: chillax bro here we come
Reynoldswrap: srsly, a bit hi strung 2day?
BEEFord: :D
Reynoldswrap: @AOP_CINC, @WIN, @Oo_HOWARD!, @siklz, @uncle_john, @imnotslow! pedal 2 metal bros
Oo_HOWARD!: why u put WIN ahead of me in distro! I snr!
Reynoldswrap: 1st it order come to mind
Reynoldswrap: 2nd he do sumthin with troops when get here
Reynoldwrap: no wry he leave room 4 UR men to hold footrace :D
WIN: LOL
siklz: oh too funny
Oo_HOWARD!: i h8 u all
Oo_HOWARD!: @AOP_CINC Gen Meade other guys makin fun of me agin
AOP_CINC: eyeroll @Oo_HOWARD! Can dis w8 until battle done?
imnostslow!: haha it funny cuz howard troops run
WIN: @imnotslow! dude, keep up will U?
siklz: SMH
Reynoldswrap: IRON_BRIGADE kickin reb butt w00h00
Reynoldswrap: @IRON_BRIGADE dudes lets ck out trees
BEEFord: crap Reynoldswrap got shot
WIN: Im almost there ill take ovr
Oo_HOWARD!: BS im snr i tak ovr i r there now
Oo_HOWARD!: wtf rebs evawhere evawhere
Oo_HOWARD!: front, sides, no way to fight hav 2 retreat
WIN: wow, shocking!
siklz: wut a surprise
uncle_john: got track shoes rdy? :D
Oo_HOWARD!: bite me
AOP_CINC: mebbe fall bak 2 pipe creek?
WIN: no we stay here
AOP_CINC: U sure? already ck out pipe creek. u read circular u see
WIN: giv it a rest meade
AOP_CINC: jus sayin u kno cuz pipe creek is gud place 2 fight
WIN: tell u wut I ask rebs if dey will move to pipe creek jus 4 u.u think dey go 4 it?
AOP_CINC: GTH hancock
2day: pulling bak hvy fightin, rebs on 3 sides, howard men blew by liek roadrunner
AOP_CINC: @2day who dis?
2day: doubleday
WIN: why you name "today"
2day: not "today"- "day" tiems 2. double. doubleday
WIN: eh, beats Oo_HOWARD!
siklz: knox it outta park
Oo_HOWARD! OK hav established new line on ridge outside of town
AOP_CINC: that gud but why no assist @2day?
Oo_HOWARD!: umm
2day: UR men ran thru my lines and not even fightin long time
Oo_HOWARD!: ok mebbe but upside is troops ready 4 fight not worn out
WIN: howard u hav most rested troops in army
siklz: LOL tru tru
uncle_john: srlsy howard u not general u jus tour guide
WIN: LOL
siklz: LOL
imnotslow!: ya cuz u always retreat
WIN: and once again slocum kills the moment
WIN: ok i'm here i take charge
Oo_HOWARD!: im snr i in command
WIN: 1st u kno fight
WIN: 2nd I haz ltr from AOP_CINC sez I in charge
Oo_HOWARD!: @AOP_CINC is dat tru?
AOP_CINC: umm
WIN: of course it is
AOP_CINC: well, u see howard i need SUM1 to be my deputy and hancock was closest so...
Oo_HOWARD!: fine i C how it iz
WIN: yeah, he pick genl who fight, not capt of track team
siklz: doooood
uncle_john: epic!
2day: :D
imnotslow!: haha *CALL DROPPED*
AOP_CINC: ok here where evy1 at?
WIN: big house come on in.

The NEXT day...

AOP_CINC: up an at em! got rebs 2 beat
WIN: Up an sit still more liek. Y no atk? dey no dug in
AOP_CINC: it littel thing called state guy
WIN: WTF is state guy?
AOP_CINC: stare gay
WIN: ????????
siklz: LOL WTH is THAT?
uncle_john: um. wow. just wow.
AOP_CINC: GODDAM AUTOCORRECT. fnuk u all! STRATEGY
WIN: fnuk?
AOP_CINC: GTH HANCOCK. U WNAT LEAD ARMY???!!!
WIN: sure if we attack :P
siklz: ahahahah
uncle_john: doood
Oo_HOWARD: LOL
imnotslow: is hancokc rly in charge now? wat orders sir?
WIN: BWAHAHAHAHAHA
adj.meade.aop: MG Meade sez to inform u his fone is out of order
adj.meade.aop: it failed to stop a .44 ball at close range.
adj.meade.aop: we hav sent 4 nu fone
adj.meade.aop: MG Meade sez 2 carry out orders being txt 2 u att
imnotslow: att? I'm with verizon
WIN: SMH
siklz: dude. that was epic.
uncle_john: att mean at this time.
imnotslow: oh. is hancock still in command?
Oo_HOWARD: ROFLMAO
Meade: ok bak now.
Meade: as i sed. Strategy. Lee atk us, we sit dig in. more men, better ground=win.
Meade: @siklz u taek left, @imnotslow and @Oo_HOWARD right, @WIN middle
Meade: @sike and @uncle_john get moving
siklz: @win dude this position blows
siklz: I R move to hi ground.
WIN: WTF? U leave huge gap in line
siklz: it ok- i have hi ground. decisive
WIN: BS. stoopid. u have hi ground but surrounded and they roll up line liek cheap rug
siklz: I R wing commander!
WIN: when u join RAF? No- U R loony. Meade kno bout dis?
siklz: I independent command
WIN: eyeroll
Warren: hello? anyone? there big hill no troops. lots of rebs.
Warren: anyone?
SVincent@aop.usa.mil: on the way!
SVincent@aop.usa.mil: yo, prof bodoyn, shake a leg!
JLCfmME: it's bo-deen. DEEN.
SVincent@aop.usa.mil: :D
SVincent@aop.usa.mil: need u to hold line. u end of line. no more. only u. u only one. no more.
JLCfmME: dude, got it. @20ME.RGT this is our stop, everyone off.
Meade: WTF siklz wer R U? U NOT ON LINE???
siklz: I R on hi ground. decisive.
Meade: u get flanked both side duma$$
siklz: u think i shud move?
Meade: dunno. there rebs- mebbe go ask them yrself. I'll watch troop til u get back.
siklz: not funny.
WIN: it sure wuz
uncle_John: LOL
Meade: :)
sike: this sux. we just got here alrdy gettin pounded.
WIN: dude, it's called "war"
imnotslow: it quiet here
sike: well noisy here. trade u.
siklz: no better here. pullin back.
WIN: cant pull bak- line go wif u
siklz: cant stay here- no toops left
siklz: troops
JLCfmME: out of ammo need resupply
JLCfmME: rebs still comin
JLCfmME: hllo? anyone?
JLCfmME: ok f*k dis. we rollin. bayonets yo!
JLCfmME: gonna go all augusta on these playas. do it bangor style
JLCfmME: BAYONETS! CHARGE!!
sike: wut?
siklz: what?
WIN: wait what now?
Meade: who the hell ordered charge? siklz ima gonna beat yo @zz
siklz: wasnt me it wuz sike
JLCfmME: ok rebs runnin now. gonna chill here on top of little round hill.
JLCfmME: dat gud name- little round hill. battle of little round hill.
WIN: dat work. ok dudes, charge.
siklz: wut he said.
WIN: hmm. not work so well.
Meade: is ok. rebs pull bak now.
Meade: ok bak to hq for discus
WIN: @Oo_HOWARD he talk to U. discus event in track & field, rt up ur alley
uncle_john: BWAHAHAHAH
sike: LOL
siklz: ROTFL
Oo_HOWARD: GTH HANCOCK
adj.meade.aop: MG Meade sends his regrets
adj.meade.aop: once again his fone failed 2 stop .44 ball
adj.meade.aop: he invites u all 2 HQ for discussion

Later that night...

AOP_CINC: ok not bad fight 2day.
AOP_CINC: gud job evrybody.
AOP_CINC: oh. except for siklz. you suk
siklz: u cnat talk to me liek dat
AOP_CINC: da hell i cant IR UR boss. u no obey orders. do it agin i put boot in UR @ss.
AOP_CINC: @WIN, nice job. @imnotslow u be rdy for morning atk. @uncle_john UR toops to reinforce
uncle_john: toops? liek peeps?
AOP_CINC: ;)
AOP_CINC: @Oo_HOWARD- try to hold UR position. @WIN- if U see Howard, shoot him
Oo_HOWARD: WTF!!!???
WIN: I C howard now, shoot him?
AOP_CINC: i mean tmwr. @Oo_HOWARD- u stay put, hancock no shoot u.
Oo_HOWARD: dat not fair! if rebs atk i may hav to retreat!
AOP_CINC: dont care. stand and fight, beat rebs. or dey shoot u. run, hancock shoot u.
AOP_CINC: either way, SOMEONE gonna shoot u unless u win.
WIN: so wat plan?
AOP_CINC: dig in on wings, reinforce middle. Lee atk there.
sike: how u kno?
AOP_CINC: EZ. he try left- lose. he try right- lose. only thing left is middle.
WIN: ummm...dont think it work that way
siklz: srsly, dat dumbest thing i hear
Oo_HOWARD: mebbe i shud take command on right
siklz: ok- THAT dumbest thing i hear
WIN: LOL
uncle_john: ROFLMAO
Oo_HOWARD: GTH
AOP_CINC: @Oo_HOWARD- keep it up i have hancock shoot u now
AOP_CINC: LEe will atk in middle
WIN: but srsly, battle not shell game. not on left, not on right, must be middle. not work liek dat
AOP_CINC: no but lee have no other choice. he have to do something we not expect. he think i reinforce flanks
imnotslow: why dont you?
AOP_CINC: no need. right flank dug in gud arty fresh. plus howard gonna stay to last man. or hancock shoot him.
Oo_HOWARD: >:(
AOP_CINC: left flank been reinforce hav arty on hill now- better than 2day an we won 2day.
AOP_CINC: so lee hit middle an we reinfoce middle
AOP_CINC: ok that plan evry1 hit the rack we whip rebs tmrw.
AOP_CINC: plus, mebbe hancock shoot howard
sike: sumthin look fwd 2
siklz: might be worth it to looz battle just to see dat
AOP_CINC: @siklz we looz battle I personally shoot YOU
AOP_CINC: may do that even if win. u hope i in gud mood tmrw. or u borrow howard track shoes
WIN: BWAHAHAHA
uncle_john: dooooood!!!
imnotslow: harsh man
AOP_CINC: @BEEFord ruok? rdy 4 tmrw?
BEEFord: we r gud boss. got evry1 fed, rested.
AOP_CINC: who dat new guy i c at HQ? look liek rodeo clown?
BEEFord: haha dat custer. he harmless. gud fighter. liek to show off.
BEEFord: dis outfit tame. he normally wear puffy pants and pirate shirt.lots of bling
AOP_CINC: SMH. can he fight?
BEEFord: oh he fight ok. crazy but can fight. tried to ride horse across lake, thought he could walk on water.
BEEFord: horse drowned. he say "horse lack faith"
AOP_CINC: WTF???
BEEFord: *shrug* he nuts but fight reb big time.
AOP_CINC: he better. got enough flashy officers who no fight. #siklz #Oo_HOWARD

The FINAL Day

AOP_CINC: ok evry1 rdy for reb atk. main atk in center. fake atk on wings.
WIN: @Oo_HOWARD fake atk so mebbe u can fake retreat?
sike: ouch!
uncle_john: :D
Oo_HOWARD: skru U hancock
AOP_CINC: fake or real, u retreat hancock shoot u
uncle_john: umm, why my troops all over place?
AOP_CINC: u were l8, so now u reinforcement
uncle_john: k but wat I do? no troops- no need 4 me.
siklz: i never saw need 4u anyway :p
sike: d'oh
WIN: hahahaha oh man
imnotslow: that sux dude
uncle_john: rly? UR wife doesn't agree ;)
WIN: NO HE DIDNT!!! ROFLMAO
sike: PWNED!!!
siklz: F U!!!! I SHOOT U LIEK I DO OTHER GUY
uncle_john: other guy? u mean i not only one seein UR wife? how many others?
siklz: THAT IT!!!
AOP_CINC: knock it off, rebz coming on right.
imnotslow: but u sed middle
AOP_CINC: this just diversion not real. i mean, they shoot 4 real but not atk. i mean they atk but not mean it.
AOP_CINC: *sigh* evry1 just stay put and be ready IN MIDDLE
WIN: mebbe we shud pull back to pipe creek ;)
AOP_CINC: i h8 u so much
sike: reb arty opening up
sike: LOTS of reb arty
sike: holy crap that a lot of arty
AOP_CINC: ok this is it stay down evry1 be rdy in middle
AOP_CINC: @WIN hancock wtf u doing riding around! get UR @ss down i cant lose u
WIN: there r tiems a corps cmdr life no count
AOP_CINC: Bulls--t. get off horse or i shoot it out from under you.
siklz: too late, rebs do it 4U. hancock ok, but no can stand. u wnat I shoot howard?
AOP_CINC: u not shoot anyone except rebs, and if u dont do gud job of it i shoot u.
Oo_HOWARD: uh, i gotta go to bathroom
uncle_john: thanks for update
sike: so?
Oo_HOWARD: bathroom over near HQ. Meade shoot me if i leave post...
AOP_CINC: find a frikin tree! stay put!
siklz: i dont beleive it- rebs walking str8 ahead in middle
sike: wth, meade wuz right!
uncle_john: dude, wth r they doing? this dumbest thing since @Oo_HoWARD get command
Oo_HOWARD: f u sedgwick. but ya this srsly dumb
imnotslow: how meade kno wut rebs do? MEBBE HE A REB!!! OH NOES!!!
siklz: SMH
uncle_john: 1st, if he wuz reb, he wudnt have prepared for atk. 2nd shut the hell up
sike: does it bug any1 that meade can figure out most stupid way to atk? ;)
siklz: bwahahaha
uncle_john: LOL
Oo_HOWARD: haha
AOP_CINC: i h8 u all
siklz: rebs still comin
AOP_CINC: hold position. no retreat- ima talk 2u howard
uncle_john: stone wall stopped em
imnotslow: stonewall? but hes a reb. and hes dead. YAY ZOMBIE JACKSON FIGHT FOR UNION
uncle_john: *shakes head* damn ur an 1d10t
sike: srsly, howd u get command? did sum1 looz a bet?
uncle_john: reinforcement to middle
uncle_john: ok they stopped now
siklz: rebz retreat. i lead counter atk ok?
AOP_CINC: u make 1 move i shoot u. no atk
uncle_john: reb cavalry round back
AOP_CINC: we stop them. got secret weapon
AOP_CINC: @starofthewest go get em
starofthewest: WOLVERINES!!!!
starofthewest: gonna be a red dawn for da rebs!
uncle_john: dude, it's liek 2pm
siklz: wut are wolverines?
sike: i think its a fat weasel
starofthewest: wheres stuart? I WILL DESTROY HIM!!!
starofthewest: aha! I C him. wth- red lining in cape? LAME
starofthewest: ostrich plume? SOOOOO 1858!!!
starofthewest: THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!
starofthewest: rebs r retreat I R WINNER
AOP_CINC: ok evry1 lets wrap it up.
AOP_CINC: @old_abe@whitehouse.us.gov big win today, hard fight but team pulled together in the 4th quarter and hung on 4 win
AOP_CINC: @old_abe@whitehouse.us.gov our defense overcame early struggles and made a stand inside the redzone to stop rebs.
AOP_CINC: @old_abe@whitehouse.us.gov like to thank our fans and the peeps of PA for their support
old_abe@whitehouse.us.gov: good job evry1. glad to hear ANV is destroyed
AOP_CINC: thanks. now tiem to rest and rebuild strength.
AOP_CINC: wait, what about ANV?
old_abe@whitehouse.us.gov: theyre destroyed right? u said big win, i figure dat mean u destroy army.
AOP_CINC: umm.
old_abe@whitehouse.us.gov: ANV NOT destroyed? wat mean big win then?
AOP_CINC: well rebs not beat us.
old_abe@whitehouse.us.gov: THAT is big win? u not looz so big win?
AOP_CINC: well rebs r retreat to VA now
old_abe@whitehouse.us.gov: WTF? u let them retreat? u not atk?
AOP_CINC: um
old_abe@whitehouse.us.gov: u fn kiddn me? so they walk bak 2 VA and u do wat, hold party? why u even HAV army?
old_abe@whitehouse.us.gov: u in command to defeat rebs. not host battle 4 them. fight and beat. no more rebs.
old_abe@whitehouse.us.gov: *sigh* u mebbe atk b4 they cross river?
AOP_CINC: umm.
old_abe@whitehouse.us.gov: oh for God's sake!
old_abe@whitehouse.us.gov: ok. u follow rebs, keep them in vA. mebbe even atk, but lets focus on keep in VA. can do?
AOP_CINC: yessir!
old_abe@whitehouse.us.gov: @SamIam Grant, u got a minute?

"Great Moments in Casting" Presents A Special Civil-War Edition...

A note of thanks

A big thanks to Andy Hall over at Dead Confederates for reposting the Gettysburg texts on his site. Judging from the comments there- and the web hits here- I better get back to work! In my defense, Halloween is a pretty big deal for us, so most of our time from August on was spent working toward that end...but enough excuses!

Coming up on Laughing Reb/Yank:

• I'll finish the Gettysburg texts for the Union side. Meade's a pretty hot-tempered individual in person- in 140 characters or less, he's bound to be pretty direct.
• I'm hoping to do a live-action version of "Cookin' With General George"- George Pickett's own offering for FoodTV. First up, a recipe for Baked Shad.
• More reality TV. Real Housewives is a personal favorite of mine. May try different wives, may flesh the current crew out a bit more.
• A Mythbusters-type show which goes horribly wrong. "Can one Southern boy beat ten Yankees? We put it to the test!" 
• I'm kicking around an idea for Sherman, where he tries to apply his "March" philosophy to other business ventures. "Termite infestation? We'll burn 'em out!"

For now, I'll leave you with a quote from my forthcoming novel, "Military Insights Of Benjamin Butler"




(that's right- it's completely blank)

Y'all come back now, ya heah?

Random Silliness

Sometimes I get an idea that just strikes me funny, like Grant playing practical jokes:

Other times it's something absurd, like the debate over what caused the Civil War. Here's my take:

Finally, I get ideas which are just snarky- What's Gen. Sherman's favorite color? Ash! Here's another:

The Battle of Gettysburg- in text messages! It helps if you know the story- go rent Gettysburg with Martin Sheen and Tom Berenger, you'll be able to follow along. Mostly.

HarryHeth: goin 2 gburg 4 shoes k
HarryHeth: takin boyz w/me
APHill: k boss sez no fighting.
HarryHeth: boyz say just militia we push em out
APHill: no fighting
HarryHeth: just militia we can handle
HarryHeth: militia seem to not run we push harder
APHill: NO FIGHTING
HarryHeth: nono is ok just need big push
HarryHeth: WTF this is cavalry?
APHill: CAVALRY IS FIGHT. NO FIGHT. STOP.
HarryHeth: Is ok we R winning
APHill: What going on?
APHill: ??
HarryHeth: uh- why cavalry have black hat?
APHill: ???
APHill: Black hat=Reynolds 1 crps.
APHill: WTF U get hit in head? 
APHill: Hello?
HarryHeth: I liek ponies
APHill: WHAT R U DOING?
HarryHeth: newhat big paper bullet big hat paper ow
BobLee: AP I hear a lot of noise'
BobLee: U know no fighting
APHill: um @Heth maybe start fight
APHill: not sure. Heth not making sense.
APHill: I send someone find out k bye.
BobLee: Send Heth here. No fight!
PenDrrr: @BobLee boss big fight I join k
BobLee: no fight. Everybody no fight
HarryHeth: @BobLee ow I gots shot in hed
BobLee: U lucky they shoot U first
PenDrrr: Big fight still. I fight too k
BobLee: No fight.
WoodNleg: boss Early nr Gburg, big fight, we join?
BobLee: @WoodNleg how close?
WoodNleg: Early b there soon. Can fight?
BobLee: all join fight. Beat yankEZ

WoodNleg: W00T C M run!
WoodNleg: YankEZ R run
WoodNleg: We R winRZ
BobLee: @WoodNleg can u take hill?
BobLee: @WoodNleg take hill k thx
WoodNleg: @NotLate- we can take hill?
NotLate: mmm not sure. I C yankEZ
WoodNleg: how many?
NotLate: mebbe like 50. too many I R tired
NotLate: we attack 2mrw.
WoodNLeg: k thx

Longstrt: whatd i miss?
BobLee: big fight=big win
Longstrt: Woohoo
BobLee: bigger fight=bigger win tmrw
Longstrt: Woohoo
Longstrt: wait, what?
Longstrt: why fight here?
BobLee: We won
Longstrt: YankEZ on high ground. we go around.
BobLee: No go around. Attack.
Longstrt: U crzy. high ground bad. We find own ground.
BobLee: U crzy. Men sad if leave ground. We win here.
Longstrt: Men do wht U wnat. We attack here=we lose here.
BobLee: Just bring up men k?
Longstrt: Remember Fredricksburg?
NotLate: blah blah Fredricksburg blah blah defense blah
Longstrt: @NotLate Armistead has a plate for you!

BobLee: @Longstrt see? we win drive yankEZ away
Longstrt: they no go away all on ridge +more coming
BobLee: So we beat them too. if there, I attack there.
Longstrt: if there, they want U attack there
BobLee: srsly dude U need help.
Longstrt: I'm just saying
BobLee: this is MY house!
Longstrt: Not really
BobLee: U kno what I mean. I am the MAN.
Longstrt: Chilax bro
BobLee:
Longstrt: srsly tho, how U fight in morning?
BobLee: dunno, but best men scouting now
Longstrt: Stuart back? Didn't kno that...
BobLee: Not Stuart.
Longstrt: cuz U sed best so I guess that wuz Stuart
BobLee: Give it a rest dude
Longstrt: U shud like totes courtmartial his srry @zz
BobLee:
Longstrt: fine do wat u want. Picketts here
Longstrt: later boss dude.
BobLee: l8r P33T. C U in morning. Salliesboy1863: PICKETT IN DA HOUSE!
Salliesboy1863: Rollin up w/my boyz from viginia
Lo: There's an R george.
Salliesboy1863: do wut now?
Lo: There's an R in Virginia
Salliesboy1863: wut-evr dude. thats why i hav U.
Lo: um hmm. btw, salliesboy1863= srsly lame
jimkemper_spkr.va: srsly Lo, U tell him
Salliesboy1863: riiiiight Jim URs is soooo better
fremantle_a_mil.uk: I say what is the proper format for
fremantle_a_mil.uk: one who wishes to have a decent, that is
fremantle_a_mil.uk: an acceptable means of identifying oneself
fremantle_a_mil.uk: on these devices?
Salliesboy1863: OMFG!
Lo: dude, R U ever a n00b!
jimkemper_spkr.va: WTF? Who brought in this l00zr?
Longstrt: dudes, chillax. he's a bro from the UK aight?
BobLee: anyone seen my cavalry?
Lo: DOOOOOD
Salliesboy1863: man that is epic fail!
jimkemper_spkr.va: how do u lose cavalry? srsly?where my horse at?  

BobLee: Time 2 get up. Got yankEZ to beat
Longstrt: Ready 2 move 2 right.
BobLee: Don't start. too early.
NotLate: Someone call me?
Lo: Yeah, got a plate with your name on it
NotLate: bite me
Salliesboy1863: we r at back cn sum1 move pse?
Longstrt: U wnat we shud move whl army 4U?
Salliesboy1863: that wud be gr8!
Longstrt: smh
Lo: smh
jimkemper_spkr.va:
BigTX: Rdy 4 battle, just tell me when
Longstrt: chillax Sam
APHill: uh, rdy i guess. Heth is out.
HenryHeth: no i can fight u put me in i get touchdown
BobLee: Gen Heth u sit this out kthx.
BobLee: Gents we meet 2 discuss plan
AOPCINC: I think we shud retreat
WoodNleg: who wants 2 retreat? APHill?
APHill: wasnt me. it wuz kemper
jimkemper_spkr.va: STHU hill it was totes U. sick again?
Longstrt: dudes look at name.
Longstrt: we R here to fight...MEADE
AOPCINC:
Salliesboy1863: cud u come up w/more lame name?
Lo: U mean liek salliesboy1863?
Salliesboy1863:
Longstrt: dont start that again.
BobLee: Meade why u on our chan?
*AOPCINC is now known as meade*
meade: u not make private. big laugh last night. much lulz
Salliesboy1863: u not be laughing today j@k@zz
*meade is now known as Reb_smakR*
NotLate: we see who get smakd
Britguy: Having accepted the advice of my good friend Maj. Sorrel
Britguy: I have changed to a more suitable, shortened moniker
Lo: still talk 2 much
Britguy:
Reb_smakR: it ok britguy, u come hang w/winRZ 2day.
NotLate: he IS w/winRZ
APHill: jerk
Reb_smakR: yeah, what APHill sed
APHill: I talk 2 U.
Britguy: Aren't you all afraid Meade will attack?
Longstrt: no
BigTX: meade+attack? not go 2gether
Lo: LOL
Reb_smakR: C U l8r l00zrs. have fun climbing hill. we wait.
BobLee: I'm changing this to private.

BobLee: k now on 2 battle. @Longstrt u attack 2 right eclair style

Longstrt: wot eclair style?

BobLee: darn u autocorrect! e-c-h-e-l-o-n style

Longstrt: U sure? eclair is better

Salliesboy1863: I can haz eclair 2?

NotLate: If Longstrt get eclair I get 1

WoodNleg: Not eclair, e chevron

WoodNleg: e hello

WoodNleg: we go in 1 at a tiem.

NotLate: Thought @Longstrt was fight?

BobLee: STHU ALL OF U

BobLee: @Longstrt u attack w/@BigTex on right

BigTex: rox bad. we mebbe go around hill?

APHill: Go around me? Thought Longstrt fight?

BobLee: No, rox is clear best men scout it

Longstrt: Stuart is back?

HenryHeth: I liek stew

BobLee: NO, STUART NOT BACK

Longstrt: Oh, cuz u sed best men

BobLee: SO HLEP ME LONGSTRT DONT START THAT AGIN

Lo: wut iz "hlep"

BobLee: I h8 u all 

 

Longstrt: @BigTX, u go attack rox.

BigTex: is dumb. lemme go around right

Longstrt: boss say no, attack rox

BigTex: rox no good. go round, hit rear

Longstrt: boss say no, means no.

BigTex: I file protest.

Longstrt: Rox first, protest l8r aight?

SuperSkowt: @Longstrt, yankEZ see us if we march here

Longstrt: do what now?

SuperSkowt: YankEZ hav tower, see us.

Longstrt: U no see towr earlier??? U scout here??!!

SuperSkowt: um...we scout "a" hill, mebbe not "this" hill

APHill: Do what now?

Longstrt: @APHill go back to sleep

Longstrt: @SuperSkowt wut u scout? where?

SuperSkowt: funny thing- I no find now  

BigTex: NOW we go right?

Longstrt: Turn around march other way

BigTex: that take all day

Longstrt: U in hurry? got somewhere else 2B?

 

BobLee: @WoodNleg U and NotLate make demonstration to aid Longstrt
BobLee: @APHill u support Longstrt k
WoodNleg: k men will start make signs. WE H8 YANKEZ ok?
BobLee: Wut? no, not that kind of demonstration
NotLate: peaceful or violent protest? brak windoz?
BobLee: no no no. u make attack but not really
NotLate: Like APHill? LOL
WoodNleg: LOL pwnd!
APHill: F U both!
WoodNleg: corn pwnd!
NotLate: aw, man- u wnet there. bad joke
BobLee: u guys fire guns, make lots of noiz, dont attack
NotLate: it just like APHill attack
WoodNleg:
APHill: GTH l00zrs UR just jealous h8rz
BobLee: If Longstrt attack win UR attack for real
NotLate: Longstrt=attack? those words no go 2gthr
WoodNleg: LOL
APHill: LOL
HarryHeth: my boots r on my feet
BobLee: @HarryHeth go back 2 bed
BobLee: @WoodNleg b rdy 2 attk
BobLee: @APHill support Longstrt
APHill: Go @Longstrt go! 

 

Longstrt: well THAT didn't work

BigTX: tolld uw e shu go too riiiiii

Longstrt: let docs work we talk l8r

Longstrt: @APHill thx 4 help!

APHill: I support U. U no hear my cheer?

Longstrt: jerk

Longstrt: @BobLee didnt take rox BigTX down many caz bad day

BobLee: it was close

Longstrt: not THAT close

BobLee: I cud see flags going ovr hill

Longstrt: shud be flag ovr @APHill

Longstrt: Flags goin ovr hill carried by yankEZ

BobLee: attks not coord.

Longstrt: there's a news flash  

Longstrt: @WoodNleg did u even TRY to draw yankEZ?

NotLate: draw yankEZ? is art class now? LOL

WoodNleg: we demonstrated. NotLate showed how 2 make biscuits

WoodNleg: yankEZ impressed

WoodNleg: they say so. sed "wait here we go get other yankEZ 2 show"

WoodNleg: oh  

APHill: BWAHAHAHA

Longstrt: u suk

BobLee: SMH  

caval33r: JEB IS HEEEEEER!!! W00T! LETS GET THE PARTY GOIN

BobLee: glad u cud make it

Longstrt: hey gr8 can u find out where yankEZ R? before we fight? oh wait... 

caval33r: dudes wot w/all the h8? umadbros?
APHill: yes
WoodNleg: yes
Lo: heck yeah
Longstrt: ur ride=epic fail. u r l00zr
caval33r: wut evs. yall just h8n cuz im so awsum
BobLee: @caval33r can i talk to you a minute?
Lo: busted!  

caval33r: @BobLee u wntd 2 C me boss?
BobLee: there R sum Os who feel u let us dwn
BobLee: that I shud monkeystomp u into da grnd
caval33r: WTH? I go away for a cpl 3 days and playah8rz take ovr?
BobLee: not playah8rz. u spozd keep us updated on yankEZ
BobLee: u not do this. YankEZ here. How yankEZ here Jebster?
caval33r: must've slipped by
BobLee: the entire AoP? slipped by? they cudnt slip by if they were in timbukfrikkin2!
BobLee: it's the AoP. They got surprised by that possum. Rmmbr? and u missed them.
caval33r: but i gots tons o loot. besides, when AOP kno I'm here they run.
BobLee:
caval33r: no it tru i swar. richmond times sez "when stuart arrives yanks will run"
BobLee: srsly dude u need to stop reading papers.
caval33r: paprz R awsum. they kno the score. I R the best evah.
BobLee: see, that's the prob. U think u so great
caval33r: I AM GR8
BobLee:
BobLee: remembr that time the papers sed u cud fly liek u on pegasus?
caval33r: good tiems
BobLee: no, remember u thot u really cud and made ur men gallop over cliff?
caval33r:
BobLee: like 50 dudes ended up in hospital
caval33r: they lacked faith.
BobLee:
BobLee: WTH dude?! OK- U stay wher I can C U from now on, k? gr8. 

 

Longstrt: hey boss
BobLee: waddup P33T?
Longstrt: nada mucho. wat plan 4 tmrw?
BobLee: hey diddle diddle st8 up da middle
Longstrt:
BobLee: wut?
Longstrt: after 2day, another attack, in middle??
BobLee: 2day not so bad. Ask anyone.
APHill: 2day not bad at all.
Longstrt: U didn't do anything!
APHill: Not tru! I "support" you. u no liek support?
Longstrt: Support=fight. u sit on @zz
APHill: Fight=fight. Support=b rdy 2 fight. i rdy.
Longstrt: U always rdy, never fight.
APHill: That BS! Remembr "AP Hill came up"?? famous
Longstrt: famous cuz u paid off reporter.
Longstrt: wut about other battles? U no come up.
Longstrt: u no do anything.
NotLate: Not tru- he very good at hold down cot
WoodNleg: tru! APHill have magic cot. Liek magic carpet but cot.
WoodNleg: fly off 2 yankEZ if not held down.
APHill: GTH jerks. i fight plenty!
Salliesboy1863: tru, P33T transfr him cuz always fight
APHill: I h8 u all  

Longstrt: @BobLee srsly boss, strayt ahead?
BobLee: yup
Longstrt: wth for? we try both side and no work, why middle?
BobLee: because we try both side and they no work, duh
Longstrt: ???
BobLee: I swear P33T u dense as 2 short planks. ok it EZ
BobLee: We try left side, no work
BobLee: We try right side, no work
BobLee: Only side left is middle, that must be right one.
Longstrt: SMH
BobLee: wut now?
Longstrt: do you have any proof that the middle must be rt 1?
BobLee: U play shell game? if pea not under left and not under right where pea?
Longstrt: this not shell game!
BobLee: yeah but principal is same...
Longstrt: no it not! YankEZ w8 4 us in middle.
BobLee: no no dey move 2 sides to block us, middle open.
Longstrt: and when we move 2 middle, so do they
BobLee: meh, @WoodNleg will faint.
Longstrt: probably, but how that help?
BobLee: Ugh! autocorrect. F-E-I-N-T
Longstrt: faint more likely.
BobLee: go to bed P33T. we talk more tmrw kbye. 

 

BobLee: ok evy1 up an at em. 3rd day we win.

Lo: he sed that on 2nd day.

jimkemper_spkr.va: and 1st day

Salliesboy1863: and Chancellorsville

Lo: we won at Chancellorsville George.
Salliesboy1863: We did? alright yay us
APHill: why we fight so early?
NotLate: u wanna fight? I clobber u Hill!
APHill: chillax NotLate, not talkin 2u
APHill: but I cud take u any day any time
WoodNleg: as long as it not 2 early
Longstrt: epic!
Lo: booyah!
APHill: bite me all y'all
BobLee: ok, @Longstrt we plan now
BobLee: I send all ur troops up middle
BobLee: big charge, yankEZ run
BobLee: caval33r swoop on them, run them 2 DC
BobLee: told him to bring me @AbeLincoln_prez.us chair
Longstrt: uh huh. U C cavalry on my flank? I give u all troop, they chase US
BobLee: yes, u give all troop, they chase US.
Longstrt: no, I give u all troop, yankEZ flank my troops
BobLee: so what problem? u give me all troop, u have no troop 2 flank.
Longstrt: SMH u been talk to caval33r again?
BobLee: Longstrt u just grouchy. this piece of pie
HarryHeth: I can haz pie?
APHill: yeah, where pie at?
NotLate: if Longstrt get pie I get pie.
Lo: until then, shut piehole
jimkemper_spkr.va: LOL
Salliesboy1863: LOL
Britguy: oh most humourous, most. I am literally laughing out loud
Lo: SMH
jimkemper_spkr.va:
Salliesboy1863: Arthur, that wut LOL mean
Britguy: oh.
BobLee: @Longstrt I give u APHill troop
NotLate: yeah, they not been used
WoodNleg: duuuude!
APHill:  

 

BobLee: Ok here plan:
BobLee: Longstrt attk w @Salliesboy1863 div
BobLee: Plus @ProfP from @APHill corps
BobLee: Need 1 mor gen fm APHill
BobLee: @Longstrt who u think wud b gud?
Longstrt: how the h311 wud I kno abt Hill corp? ask him
BobLee: No can find. bark 4 shark prob.
Longstrt: technicolor yawn
NotLate: prayn 2 porcelin pot
Britguy: ??
Salliesboy1863: hurlin
jimkemper_spr.va: yakkin
Lo: barfing
Britguy: oh, I see- attending a performance at the vomitorium!
Lo: dude, u jus dont get txting do u?  

BobLee: @Longstrt I giv u tremble
Longstrt: uh, do wut now? not sure bout dat
BobLee: frakkin autocorrect.
BobLee: T-R-I-M-B-L-E
Longstrt: it change his name but keep frakkin?
Longstrt: u kno u can turn off autocorrect
BobLee: focus P33T. u liek him?
Longstrt: dont kno him too well. he ok person.
BobLee: AS GENERAL
Longstrt: oh. yeah i guess he okay
BobLee: dude it str8 up middle he no hav 2 b genius
BobLee: if Salliesboy1863 can do it he can
Longstrt: d'oh!
BobLee: plan so simple @FightinJoe_AOP.US cud do it
Longstrt: LOL
BobLee: jus walk str8 ahead to yankEZ. shoot them.
Longstrt: 2 many steps 4 FightinJoe
BobLee:
BobLee: I shoot all cannon. big boom. yankEZ run
Longstrt: boss, i b LT, CPT, Gen, soldier long tiem
Longstrt: tell u now no soldiers can take hill
APHill: u call me? busy now
BobLee: no @APHill
BobLee: not even spartans?
Longstrt: mebbe spartans
BobLee: it all gud bro. u can do it.
BobLee: besides many guns shoot, yankEZ duck
Longstrt: u sure?
BobLee: trust me
Longstrt: if we can take hill
APHill: do wut now? who take me where? I sick
BobLee: @APHill turn fone off i find u when need 2
BobLee: @Longstrt u can and u will
Longstrt: booyah!

 

 Longstrt: @Salliesboy1863, @Lo, @jimkemper_spkr.va, @rubyrichard ok boyz here plan
Longstrt: btw how u doing Dick?
Salliesboy1863: who u talking 2?
Longstrt: SMH. Garnett. Richard=Dick.
Lo: George here dat all the tiem, think it him
jimkemper_spkr.va: LOL
rubyrichard: fine, thx 4 aksing
Longstrt: we charge str8 up hill. guide on @ProfP and @Mr.T
Lo: I pity the fool.
jimkemper_spkr.va:
rubyrichard:
Salliesboy1863:
Longstrt: haha ok any question?
Salliesboy1863: nope EZ plan
Lo: even George can follow dis plan
jimkemper_spkr.va:
rubyrichard:
Salliesboy1863:
Longstrt: @ProfP, @Mr.T any questions?
ProfP: No sir. been at book signing event. sales are poor here. u wnat book?
Longstrt: l8r. u kno what 2 do?
ProfP: yessir.
Longstrt: Mr.T?
Mr.T: I love it when a plan comes together.
Longstrt:

 

 Longstrt: @Gunguy u rdy Alexander?
Gunguy: yessir wut plan?
Longstrt: u take out yankE btys, then move fwd to cover troops
Gunguy: um
Longstrt: wut prob?
Gunguy: yankEZ have more guns than us. more rounds 2
Longstrt: yeah. shoot careful
Gunguy:
Longstrt: @Salliesboy1863, @ProfP, @Mr.T form up dudes
Longstrt: @Gunguy fire when u hear signal
Gunguy: firing now
Longstrt: lemme kno when yankEZ beat then we go k?
Gunguy: not sure I kno dat
Gunguy: almost out of rounds
Longstrt: get more
Gunguy: um. no kno where find more
Longstreet:
Gunguy: supplies moved not kno where
Longstrt:
Longstrt: ok lemme kno when u think it ok 2 go. or not.
Gunguy: no way 2 tell. too much smoke.
Salliesboy1863: we go now?
Salliesboy1863: huh?
Salliesboy1863: now?
Longstrt: yeah
Salliesboy1863: w00h00
Salliesboy1863: ok up dudes 2 posts
Salliesboy1863: dont forget u fm viginia
jimkemper_spkr.va: SMH
Lo: George? the R?
Salliesboy1863: bite me. lets march.
Lo: @rubyrichard Dick why u ride?
rubyrichard: my leg hurts
Lo: @jimkemper_spkr.va Jim why U ride?
jimkemper_spkr.va: 2 help Dick
Lo: how dat work?
jimkemper_spkr.va: yankEZ try 2 shoot Dick, think I him shoot at me
Lo: um, so U get shot
jimkemper_spkr.va: no, they want shoot Dick not me.
Lo: WTH? that makes NO sense!
rubyrichard: and this charge does?
jimkemper_spkr.va: LOL 

 

ProfP: yankEZ fighting? WTH?
Mr.T: mebbe we attack our guys? @WoodNleg where R U?
WoodNleg: got own probs. YankEZ attk me 2. Where DAT come fm?
NotLate: YankEZ=attk not go together. who this?
WoodNleg: mebbe France? liek in french/indian war?
NotLate: yeah, must be french. where yankEZ?
Salliesboy1863: @Longstrt can u ck 2 make sure we in rt place?
Salliesboy1863: we think mebbe attk france. didnt ocean used to be here?
Longstrt: u in rt place. yankEZ fight. u fight better.
Mr.T: ouch
Lo: WTF who put fence here? Stoopid place 4 fence
ProfP: ow
Lo: @rubyrichard where u at Dick?
Lo: Dick?
jimkemper_spkr.va: ow
Lo: u ok jim?
jimkemper_spkr.va: i feel fine. I dont want to go on the cart.
Lo: almost to top- WTH another wall? charge boyz we almost there.
Lo: ouch.
Salliesboy1863: u guys ok? wat happen? guys coming back.
Longstrt: dis not work
BobLee: @Salliesboy1863 where ur division?
Salliesboy1863: no got division. WTH u think happen 2 them?
Salliesboy1863: think yankEZ have somthin do w it
Britguy: I say, glorious win
Longstrt: dont make me hit u
Caval33r: @BobLee WTH some dude dressed fancier than me!
Caval33r: dis not working. YankEZ not run.
Caval33r: goofy lookin dude keep yellin "WOLVERINES!"
BobLee: @Longstrt ok, this not such good plan. we go back VA k?
Longstrt: best idea u had yet